


Complete Idiot's Guide To Finding & Keeping A Mate

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Romance, mating for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:41:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5933755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, you just need to get reacquainted. Remus POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Complete Idiot's Guide To Finding & Keeping A Mate

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

  
_I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose_

Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose 

__

Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night 

__

You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

__

\-- Sarah McLachlan, "I Will Remember You"

The pain is a very physical one, starting right behind my eyes like a normal headache, but this one doesn't disappear in a matter of hours. It stays, and it spreads until my entire head hurts then down my body until every muscle aches and it hurts merely to breathe. It is a process that I have become accustomed to. I had no choice in the matter. After all, when your mate has just betrayed everything you've ever held dear, a little physical pain is merely icing on the proverbial cake.

The pain is a result of the mating process. Wolves who are separated from their mates don't survive long in the wild, and like a lot of things, my werewolf nature took that to the extreme. I, literally, cannot survive without my mate, and Sirius cannot survive without me, the pain goes both ways. Within a day of being separated, the pain begins growing until death is the logical conclusion. I've never actually tested the last part of the theory, nor do I want to.

We first learned that fact the summer after we mated. The emotional pain, the torture of being away from someone you love, was bad enough, but the physical pain led to a conversation with my parents that I never hope to have with anyone else ever again. They tried to understand, however, and allowed Sirius and I spent as much of that summer together. It was worse after he was arrested. The distance from Azkaban to the small flat in London that we had shared was almost too much; I remember blacking out and then waking up on a train, traveling north through Scotland, my wolf having taken over long enough to get us on the train.

I found a tiny, one room cottage that faced Azkaban, and I lived there, a hermit, for twelve years. The pain was less there, still present, but dulled to a faint throb in the back of my mind. That was why I was never able to find work; I couldn't leave the cottage for more than a day. Food would arrive occasionally, bore by house-elves wearing pillowcases emblazoned with the Hogwarts seal. Dumbledore, making sure that I was taken care of.

It became routine, wake up with a splitting migraine, read for a while, walk by the shore, never taking my eyes off the fortress in front of me, return, eat enough to stay alive for one more day, sleep.

Then one night almost a year ago, around three in the morning, a storm battering the cottage, I woke up. I wasn't sure what had woken me at first, and then I realized the pain was gone. In a brief flash of lightning, I realized why. I could make out his outline in the doorway, thinner than I remembered, hair matted and long. My mate had returned.

"Remus?" he'd croaked, voice hoarse like he hadn't used it in years, which was probably the truth. I could have said a dozen things at that moment -- "I love you," or "I missed you," or anything other than what I did say.

"Have you come to kill me as well?" I whispered, knowing that Sirius's hearing, honed from his time spent as a dog, would pick up my words even over the storm. He made a sound, low in his throat, and then he was gone, door banging shut behind him. I didn't sleep the rest of the night, and at daybreak the next morning an owl swooped through a window blown open by the storm. It dropped two letters onto my lap before flying back out the window, not waiting for a reply.

Both letters bore the same familiar, slanted writing. I opened the smaller one first, and a thing piece of parchment fell out. Written in the same writing as the letter were the words, "They say that in his last days in Azkaban, Sirius Black was muttering 'He's at Hogwarts'." There was no signature, but it didn't need one. I glanced at the other letter, taking note of the Hogwarts seal on the back, and lifted it up, studying it cautiously before opening it. Inside was a job offer, the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Dumbledore was meddling again.

I accepted, though. How could I not? And that one act of putting pen to paper and saying 'yes' put everything into motion. Seeing Harry again, seeing Sirius again, looking at the Map and seeing a name that sent chills down my spine. Walking in the Shrieking Shack and being unable to look at anything but him, barely noting Harry, Ron, and Hermione. I remember watching him, nothing but him, barely able to breath as I met his eyes and saw the look there -- like he was expecting me to kick him, to punish him for something, anything.

I did the only the thing I could. I pulled him up and to me, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him to me tightly, not wanting to let go and wanting to do so much more than embrace, but I held off, the outrage cries of the three children reaching my ears. I didn't let go, pressing my mouth against his ear as I muttered, "Sorry, so sorry," to him. We separated then, but we kept exchanging touches and glances as we told the story, confronted Severus, revealed little Peter.

We had to part again, against our wills, yes. I very nearly sobbed in frustration when I awoke the next morning with the pain throbbing behind my eyes. I busied myself, though, packing my few belongings having heard from several Slytherin seventh years that Severus had let slip my little secret. I had no choice but to leave. The parents and school governors wouldn't approve of Dumbledore's decision, and, really, I no longer had a reason to stay.

I left without a glance backwards glance, boarding the carriage then the train without seeing anyone. I wasn't entirely sure where I was going. I didn't have the stomach to return to the cottage by Azkaban, but I didn't have any other place to go. That is until a large owl nearly dropped out of the sky as I stepped out of the Hogwarts Express and onto Platform nine and three-quarters. It landed on a nearby bench and waited patiently as I dug about in the pockets of my robes until I found a small bit of toast I'd saved from breakfast. It took the offering, depositing the letter it carried on the bench and taking off, heading back north, back to Hogwarts.

I sighed softly, lifting the letter up, running my hand over the parchment before tearing it open. Once again, Dumbledore proved to be a man of few words, just a single line in blue ink -- "There is a house, in the woods, far from any town or village. Sirius, I believe, already knows the place." Attached to the letter was a key, small and antique looking, and as lifted my hand, prepared to pick up the key to study it, I felt the power radiating off of it. A portkey.

Cautiously, I pulled my wand out of my sleeve, readying it while attempting to keep hold of my suitcase, before touching the key lightly with a finger on my free hand. There was a lurch and a sense of falling through space before I landed in a heap on a dusty hardwood floor, my wand and suitcase sliding across said floor from the impact. I rose to my feet, eyes warily searching the dark corners of the room. Sensing no one, I straightened up, brushing the dust off my robes and took a good look around.

Recognition hit a second after studying my surroundings. A cottage in a sparsely populated area of Wales, Sirius had bought it shortly after graduation, a place for us to go at the full moon, far away from humanity in general. I'd forgotten about it in the horror and shock that followed that Halloween night thirteen years ago. It still looked like the last time I'd been here on the full moon in October. I'd been alone, though, Sirius off doing something that he refused to talk about, and that had been the worst transformation I'd had since Sirius, James, and Peter completed the animagus transformation.

The living room was still in shambles from when I tore it apart during that transformation, the couch, especially, having suffered the brunt of my anger and frustration that night. It had been torn apart, the stuffing from the cushions scattered about the room. I sighed, glancing around at the destruction, when I noticed something, or rather, the lack of something. No pain, at all. I swallowed heavily, knowing that the lack of pain meant that Sirius was somewhere, near...very near. Not in the house, that much was obvious since the thirteen-years worth of dust hadn't been disturbed at all except for the marks signaling my landing.

I glanced around, but nothing immediately sprang to mind, until my eyes fell on the small window above the kitchen sink that looked out into the back garden -- a garden which was now nearly blotted out by a large shadow that was steadily growing larger. I made my way across the kitchen, pulling the back door open just in time to see the hippogriff land gracefully in one of the overgrown flowerbeds.

I recognized the animal immediately. I'd come across Hagrid shortly after he'd received the execution notice, and he'd tried to show me how the Ministry was wrong, that Buckbeak wouldn't harm anyone. However, the hippogriff, like most magical creatures, could sense the other-ness about me and hadn't come near.

All thoughts of the hippogriff flew out my mind when its rider slid down from its back. Sirius ducked under the wing, patted Buckbeak on the neck, mumbling something to the animal, all without taking his eyes off of me. Buckbeak appeared to roll its eyes in response to whatever Sirius had said, then it turned and disappeared into the surrounding forest, leaving Sirius and I alone in the garden.

Neither one of us moved, each studying the other in the bright sunlight of the garden. He was thinner, except that description did little justice to the actual change in him, and gaunt was probably a better term. His hair wasn't as matted, and he'd apparently found a comb somewhere. He moved suddenly, stepping out of the flowerbed and down the path towards me. He stopped a few steps away, eyes flicking from me to the house to the sides of the house as if he were searching for some signs of an attack.

"Remus?" he said, his voice cracking just slightly on my name. I let out the breath I'd been holding and stepped out of the doorway, covering the rest of the distance between us. When I reached him, though, it was the look in his eyes that stopped my breath this time - - on the surface, love and trust glittered freely, but under that, underneath those emotions was the haunted look I assumed was a gift from Azkaban and underneath that was the look I remembered from the Shrieking Shack, like he half-dreaded me turning him away and half- wanted me to. Almost as if, at his core, he thought he didn't deserve to be standing here, that I neither wanted nor needed him here.

"Oh, Padfoot," I whispered, reaching up and pushing his hair back behind his ears, tangling my fingers in his hair and cupping the back of his head. He'd flinched slightly when I'd first raised my hand, and I moved my fingers through his hair, soothing away some of the fear in his eyes. A part of me wanted to burst out laughing though; after all, it'd only been the previous night when I'd held him against me, and while my moods change with the moon, they don't change that fast. "Look at me, Sirius," I ordered softly. His eyes found me, and I smiled softly, running the pad of my thumb across his all-too-apparent cheekbones. Then I did the only thing I could do...I kissed him.

I wrapped my other arm around his waist, pulling him against me, feeling his too thin body under my hands as our lips meet, chastely at first, the barest brushing of lips, then with growing passion as my lips parted, tongue darting out to touch his lips. He wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders, tightening the already tight embrace.

I pulled away slightly, my lips still touching his, as I whispered, "Do you see, Padfoot? I'm not going to turn you away." He nodded slightly, before he pulled me against him again. I felt his tongue dance lightly across my lips, wanting access that I granted freely, parting my own lips. I growled softly at the first tentative touch of his tongue, and in response, he moaned, and that small sound caused me to arch into him, feeling his warmth through too many layers of clothing. He pulled out of the kiss and buried his face in the curve of my neck.

"Missed you," he muttered, his breath raising goosebumps where it passed over my skin. "Missed you so much, Moony." I groaned at that, pressing my face into the hair behind his ear, breathing in his scent. He smelled of soap, and I knew he must have bathed sometime after his escape last night, but it was a different scent clinging to his hair that caught my attention. It was pure Sirius, the scent he'd always carried underneath the horrendous Muggle colognes he would insist on wearing; he'd always smelled like lightning, that slightly charged smell of burning air. The wolf recognized it, and I could see my sight shift slightly as my eyes changed, the wolf so close to the surface after the full moon.

"Mine," I growled, the word coming out in a huff of air that caused Sirius to shiver.

"Always," he replied, kissing his way up my neck, tongue running softly over my Adam's Apple. I moaned at the slight touch, hips pressing against his, feeling his own hardness rubbing against mine. "God, Remus," he breathed, his hips moving against mine. "Inside," he said, voice hoarse with longing. I lifted his head away from my neck, brushing my thumb across his lips.

"Hush, Padfoot," I said, "I'm taking my time." His eyes fell shut at that, his breath come out in a hiss. I moved my hand up from his waist, gripping the neck of his robe and pulling it to the side. I lowered my head, kissing the sensitive flesh of his neck, earning a moan in response. That moan deepened as I nipped lightly at his skin, working my way up the side of his neck, trying to rememorize the curve of his body as I did so. My hand moved down, sliding between us, to brush against his straining cock. He arched into my hand, pressing his hardness against me, his eyes screwed shut.

"Moony, I can't...it's been...too long. Want...." I moved my thumb back across his lips, silencing him.

"I know, Padfoot." With that, I pulled away from him, taking hold of his hand and pulling him toward the open door. As we stepped across the threshold, Sirius stopped, glancing around at the kitchen.

"It hasn't changed," he muttered, looking down at the dust on the table. "You haven't....you didn't live here?" he asked, softly. I glanced over at him, shaking my head.

"I couldn't," I whispered, smiling slightly, "You know why." He blinked in confusion, as if he was trying to recover a memory long buried in Azkaban, the recognition dawned in his eyes, and he nodded. "Doesn't matter, though," I said, drawing him forward again until our lips touched again.

"Not at all," he replied, muttering into my mouth. We stood there like that for awhile, wrapped up in each others arms, mouths moving slowly against each other, until he pulled away, taking my hand this time and leading me along the familiar path to the bedroom. It had become a ritual for us, before, when, the morning after the full moon, he would kiss me awake from where we'd curled up together in the forest and then he would lead me to the bedroom where he would soothe away the muscle aches and scars with his hands and a little magic he'd picked up from Madame Pomfrey. This was different, though, more about soothing away his pain rather than mine.

I grabbed his wrist, then, halting his progress toward the bedroom, pulling him against me, entangling my hand in his hair again, our momentum forcing us both through the bedroom door. I knocked the door shut with my foot and then suddenly found myself pressed against the closed door. Sirius's leg moved between mine, rubbing against persistent hardness, causing my hips to buck against him. My eyes fell shut as I heard Sirius moan, pressing his forehead against mine.

"God, Remus," he muttered, bracing himself against the door, hips rocking against mine. "So beautiful," he said, and I forced my eyes open, breath catching as I met his eyes. No longer haunted or filled with fear, his blue eyes were clear, and he smiled, really smiled. I returned the smile, kissing him lightly, before shifting my weight and rolling us over until it was Sirius's back against the wall. I placed my hands on either side of his shoulders, the full of my body against his. I cocked my head studying him for a moment, before reaching down and untying the piece of rope he'd been using as a belt. My hand brushed against his cock, feeling him moan as I tugged the tattered robe up, revealing the clean pair of Muggle trousers underneath. I raised an eyebrow at that, but Sirius just shrugged.

"Stole them," he muttered, then smirked, and it was almost like the years slipped away for a second as he said, "Hippogriffs chafe." I laughed, pressing my face against his shoulder. His hands touched my back lightly, sliding up to my shoulders, and I looked up at him. He leaned forward, capturing my mouth then, kissing me roughly, tongue darting between my lips as he pulled my hips hard against his. I tugged the robe the rest of the way off, baring his chest. I tossed the robe away, running my hands over Sirius's chest, taking in the feel of his ribs pressing against the skin.

I pulled back, stepping away, studying him in the dim light of the bedroom. I took in the scars that laced their way across his chest, scars made by human hands digging into flesh. I'd done that enough to myself during my transformations that recognizing it was no problem. I glanced up at his face, taking note of the defiant lilt of his chin, the guarded look back in his eyes.

"You've seen me at my absolute worst, Sirius," I said softly, reaching out a hand and touching one of the scars lightly. "This...." I traced the same scar with my fingers. His eyes fell shut at that touch. "This is nothing compared to that." He nodded slightly, and I stepped forward again, kissing the side of his neck. "Never assume," I muttered, moving down to his collarbone, flicking my tongue across the hollow of his throat, "that your scars," I moved downward, kneeling before him, mouth moving down his chest, tongue running across first one nipple then the other, "Have any bearing," I avoided those same scars, flicking my tongue briefly at his belly button, before I stopped at the top of his trousers, running my hand along the line where flesh met cloth "On how much I love you," My thumb slipped under the loose hem, and Sirius sucked in a breath, letting it out in a low hiss as I ran my hand across the bulge there, "Or how much I want you." With that I reached the button on the top of the pants and flicked it open with my fingers. Sirius's eyes screwed shut at that movement, and he moaned when I slowly moved the zipper down.

I pushed the edges of the trousers back, revealing Sirius's straining erection. I glanced up at him to find him watching me with eyes clouded over in love and lust. I met his eyes, raising one eyebrow slightly.

"Remus," he breathed, and I smiled, leaning forward and slowly licked away the pre-cum that was gathering on the head. Sirius groaned at the contact, hands, groping blindly at the wall. "Don't tease, Moony," he whispered.

"Not teasing," I replied, before taking him in my mouth. I didn't mouth for a moment, adjusting to the length of him, and Sirius's hand tangled in my hair with an impatient moan. I made a sound deep in my throat, and Sirius shuddered against me as one of my hands rest on his chest, splayed across the scars, and the other reached up to wrap around the base of his cock as I moved up the length of him. Sirius moaned again as I moved my mouth off of him, keeping one hand firmly on him, and I glanced up, meeting his eyes. I made sure not to take my eyes off his when I began moving my hand along the length of him, feeling him move, the muscles and his heartbeat working in tandem to my movements.

"Please," he whispered, eyes never leaving mine, even as I leaned forward, flicking my tongue against the slit in the head of his cock, earning another moan as I followed my tongue with my mouth, taking all of him in. His hips buck at the sudden warmth, and I ran my tongue along the underside of his cock, feeling his heartbeat through the skin. I moved steadily up and down, keeping a rhythm, Sirius's hand clenching and unclenching in my hair. His eyes fell shut, and his mouth was moving soundlessly. Then he tensed, his eyes screwing shut.

"Fuck...God, Remus," he said, his voice low and tight as I felt his cock move in my mouth. There was a sudden wetness and an explosion of taste, not entirely unpleasant, as he came. I pulled away, swallowing the liquid in my mouth, still watching his face. Sirius's eyes opened as he slid down the wall to sit on the floor. "Sorry," he muttered. I raised an eyebrow, and he ran a shaking hand over his face. "It's just been...forever...a-and I'm sure it'll last longer...next time?" I could hear the question on the end. I smiled, leaning forward, and pulling him into a kiss again. His hands trailed down my chest, but I stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

"No," I muttered, against his lips, and he went very still. I pulled back, and he looked away from me. I placed a finger under his chin and forced him to meet my eyes. "This," I whispered, leaning forward until our noses touched, "Right now, was not about me." His eyes narrowed, and I smiled softly. "There's time for me later." He seemed to accept that, leaning forward and kissing me again. I pulled back, rising to my feet. I held out a hand, helping him up. I tugged my robe over my head, dropping it on the floor, my sweater falling shortly after.

"Right now," I said, glancing up at Sirius as I toed my shoes off, "We both need to sleep."

"True," he replied, "You spent most of the night running through the forest while I tried to avoid the dementors." Sirius nodded sagely at his own words, and I grinned, turning to the bed and removing the dust-covered comforter and tossing it to the floor. I turned back to him, holding out my hand. He grinned sheepishly, and then reached for my trousers, unbuttoning them and tugging them down before I could protest. "I sleep nude, so do you," Sirius stated with a nod. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help smiling before pulling him towards me and the bed.

Familiar habits, even if they're nearly fourteen years old, are hard to break and that includes sleeping patterns. Sirius Black is a bed hog, always has been, will be until the day he dies, but I don't mind. It was a comforting weight, especially on the nights right before and right after the full moon when the nightmares are the worst, the familiar warmth chasing away the dread. I couldn't complain, not really, when I got on the bed first, and Sirius found his normal position next to me, half of his body covering mine, one leg between mine, one arm slung over my chest, his face buried in my hair. It was a comforting position, and I wrapped one arm around his back, fingers tracing lazy circles at the small of his back. I listened closely, until his breathing evened out, and eventually my own eyes drooped as I succumbed to the sudden exhaustion.

When I woke up, it was dark outside, the moon still full enough to provide more than enough light. One side of my body was cold, and I knew Sirius had risen sometime before. Then the smell of food hit my nose, and my stomach growled. I got out of bed, pulling on my trousers, before stepping out of the bedroom. I stood in the hall as the sounds of an argument reached my ears.

"Mister Black, I has been sent to prepare this dinner. I is going to prepare it like the Headmaster is asking me to, and I is not so afraid of you that I will not hex you if you is not leaving Dobby alone so that I can finish," a voice commented, but my mate's reply was lost in a yelp as there was a flash of yellow from the kitchen. I sighed, stepping through the doorway to find Sirius tied to one of the chairs, tape situated firmly across his mouth. "Good evenings to you, Professor Lupin," Dobby greeted from his position by the stove, finger still pointing at Sirius.

"Good evening, Dobby," I replied, glancing around at the sparkling clean kitchen, before glancing into the living room to find it in a similar state of cleanliness, complete with a new couch. I turned back to the elf, and he grinned at me.

"I is doing a fine job, yes? The Headmaster is sending me to make sure that you is having food and shelter. I will be cleaning your sleeping chamber since you is now done there as soon as dinner is finishing," Dobby stated, turning back to the stove. I started to shrug off the house elf help, but I figured that would get me nowhere. I noticed my wand, resting on my suitcase in the middle of the table. Dobby must have moved it there while cleaning. I picked it up and muttered a spell at Sirius causing the bonds and tape to disappear in a puff of yellow. "You is keeping Mister Black away, Professor?"

"I will try, Dobby," I replied, with a small smile at Sirius.

"Bloody free-thinking house elves," he muttered, returning the smile. I set my wand down on the table and studied him, apprehension growing in my mind.

"You can't stay, can you?" I whispered, already knowing the answer. The dementors would be looking harder for him, and it wasn't safe in Britain for him. He looked down at his hands, shaking his head.

"I should be leaving soon. I-I don't want to risk you...going to Azkaban." I nodded at that, an idea forming in my mind.

"Where are we going?" He looked up sharply at that.

"We?" he repeated, and I smiled at the confusion in his eyes.

"Well, I certainly can't stay here. I would be question, possibly put under Veritaserum, could give everything away," I replied with a slight smile. He grinned in return.

"I was thinking Morocco," Sirius replied. I raised an eyebrow, and he shrugged. "It's far away, and it's warm. It's been a long time since I was warm." The haunted look was back, but he blinked and it faded slightly, becoming less prominent. "I should write to Harry first," he muttered, absently. I reached out, touching his hand.

"We'll go in the morning," I replied, and he nodded in return.

"House is cleaned, Sirs," Dobby stated, and I thanked him for his hard work. He smiled at me and glared at Sirius before disappearing with a 'pop'. Sirius rose to his feet, walking over to me and pulling me to my feet. I glanced at him, questioning his actions. He shrugged and pulled me into a kiss.

"Food will get cold," I whispered just before our lips met.

"So?" he replied before urging my lips apart. I wrapped my arms around him as we tumbled out of the kitchen, holding tightly to him, fingers caressing the back of his neck. He own hands ran lightly down my back, drifting under the waist of the trousers. I moaned into his mouth as he tugged me tighter against him.

"Morocco, huh?" I whispered, pulling back from the kiss. Sirius merely shrugged, dragging me back into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind us.

++++ End.


End file.
